Two months have passed since I last wrote in this journal and not much in my life has changed… Still stuck getting no where it feels. I am taking two online classes, so I am slowly getting somewhere. I like my classes, it gives me something to do, though I need to work on my writings too so I’ll feel better about myself. I need to start exercising too, I want to get in better shape before the summer. Hopefully I do.
[youngest] brother’s friend [blank] comes around now. He and his girlfriend broke up, she cheated. I always have liked him, he’s easy to talk to and smart. He’s been coming around for over a year now. I hope him and [my brother] stay friends.
Now [my brother] is wanting to go to Utah with me and Mom so now we have to wait until June. Sighs. I want to go to school in the fall so I’ll probably stay in [blank]. Again. Something’s gotta give.
– Written: 2.13.2011
2011 was a turning point for me. I began to mature, mentally and physically, slowly, into an adult, but fear and hesitation were/are always at my side, feeding my mind, my two best and hated friends. In the beginning of the year I felt stuck still, and remained inside my head because that is where I am happiest, but was too depressed to really focus on putting those worlds in my head into black and white print, due to the immense amount of energy it takes to do so. My energy was drained in other ways, like in my depressive thoughts and heavy moods.
In 2011 I developed a crush on one of my brother’s friend, who in turn had feelings for me to, because we had some common characteristics, such as: both lost souls searching for spiritual guidance to ease our confused thoughts. We each had something the other did not have, and for the time it was comforting to be in each other’s company.
I still think of this person, from time to time, but I know our paths were meant to depart, and that is ok. I grew from the experience I had, and appreciate the knowledge I gained from it
I did return to college fulltime in August 2011, and did not stop until I achieved my bachelors degree.