Willow Rose, Ch. 2

Willow Rose grew up good, she grew up slow, but frequently misunderstood. She looked in appearance as any other child of the village of Koya, who have parents who are, too, farmers of the land, but she was always too curious. She frequently got into trouble, whether in her school lessons when she’d frequently daydream of a place beyond the forest land she resides in, beyond the great fall of the waterfall.

She was as steady as a Zen master, but free as a geisha appears performing on stage. Willow Rose always has had multiple personalities, many sides of her, that few could understand. Her mother saw her as a wild child who needs to be tamed, but her father always hoped that she’d remain the same, how she is, always. Innocent, pure, and sweet is how her father knew her to be.

“You are our Willow Rose, and like the Willow it is misunderstood because of its solitude nature, and even the rose with its beauty has its thorns. You are a yin and yang, as we all are. Never change who you are, and always keep exploring,” her father would tell her when she’d come to him in discouragement, because many of the other kids would not play with her.

Her father was a merchant in his younger days, so he knows what it is to have a heart of an explorer, and to find rare goods one has to have a keen eye for detail and a mind that looks beyond what appears to be so.

So, Willow Rose grew and developed, always with her free spirit despite the disguise of being “tamed” in her late teen years. She learned in time to act good and do good in school, and in the presence of her mother. But when she was done with her chores and duties she’d frequently roam the rolling hills of the country side, where the forest meets the lake, and sit under the willow that which she was named after. She’d speak to the willow and tell it all of what’s on her mind. Her hopes, dreams, concerns – she knew this willow was listening even if it did not speak to her. Even though the willow never spoke, it always gave a gentle breeze of comfort in the hot summer time.

One day, Willow Rose spoke to the willow of love. “Oh, wise willow, I would love a love so true, that it’d turn the grey skies a perfect blue. And when the hard times come, I would surpass and conquer all, with my love at my side.”

With those sweet words spoken, a cool breeze hit Willow Rose’s face. A whisper was then heard.

Fair Willow Rose, who has skin as white as snow, eyes dark as ebony, hair the color of midnight, your love will show up in due time. Just keep sitting here, beneath my weeping branches, and all will be granted that you request. Just believe in your name, and me, and all that you wish to be true will be.

Willow Rose smiles a content smile as she hears the words of the elder whisper, not even bothered one bit that she heard the willow’s voice. She was glad for it, for she knew one day, her love will come and meet her under the willow tree.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sun shines through the willow branches

And dances Upon two lovers to be

Beneath the willow tree…[click hyperlink to read my poem ‘Willow Tree’]


Willow Rose, a character I had in a game called Renaissance Kingdoms. The game has three ‘kingdoms’ connected to the renaissance era: Europe, Japan, and Aztec. This character is Japanese, from Shogun Kingdoms. I connected the main role plays I had there, gathered them into a document, and a collection of tales were created. This is, Chapter one, of Willow Rose, an imaginative piece of me, who kept me sane in years of confusion (February 2007 to August 2016). I Have edit the post only a little, you may take note as I post the chapters, the improvement of my writing style. Stay tuned for more throughout the year, one chapter per month. Enjoy. Further tales will include my other characters, Arial de Grey and High Priestess.

Spirit Walks and Nature Talks 1

“There does seem to be unlimited knowledge present in nature, it is true, but it can be comprehended by consciousness only when the time is ripe for it. The process, presumably, is like what happens in the individual psyche: a man may go about for many years with an inkling of something, but grasps it clearly only at a particular moment.” C.G. Jung dreams, reflections, memories

From Ted Andrew’s: Nature-Speak: Signs, Omens and Messages in Nature

7 major archetypes of Carl Jung found in Animal-wise: Archetype – characteristics – common symbols in nature:

Archetype: self Characteristics: ego, individual Common Symbols in Nature: home environment, complete

Archetype: feminine characteristics: mothering; birth; beauty; receptivity; acceptance; creative/intuitive common symbols in nature: cave; holes in trees; tunnels; blossoming plants; archways; bushes; nests; eggs; pods; ponds and lakes; night; moon; water; female plants and animals

Archetype: masculine characteristics: fathering; initiation; organizing; fertilizing Common symbols in nature: seeds; pollination; tall trees; sun; stems; fire; mountains; daytime; male plants and animals

Archetype: heroic characteristics: facing difficulties; overcoming; healing Common symbols found in nature: healing plants and herbs; immature plants and animals; storms; animal plants; new growth; survival adaptation; struggling plant growth

Archetype: adversary Characteristics: agent of change unexpected; tearing down obstacles Common symbols in nature: stinging and thorny plants; storms; overgrown areas; swamps; natural disasters; erosion; struggling plant growth

Archetype: death/rebirth characteristics: ending and beginnings; sacrifice; crises; new life common symbols in nature: marshlands; seasonal cycles; perennial plants; bogs; environment changes; border areas; natural interactions

Archetype: journey characteristics: movement; development; aging common symbols in nature: pathways; hills and mountains; rivers and streams; dear trails; winds; growth’ perennials

~~Follow your path, where ever it may lead, no matter how winding it may be~~

Dream Journal, entry 7: The “Myth” of Dreams Coming True

“When one has such experiences – dreams coming true – one acquires a certain respect for the potential communication alities and arts of the unconscious. Only, one must remain critical and be aware that such may have a subjective meaning as well. They may be in accord with reality, and then again they may not. I have, however, learned that the views I have been able to form on the basis of such hints from the unconscious have been most rewarding… I will acknowledge that I have a “myth” which encourages me to look deeper into this whole realm. Myths are the earliest form of science. When I speak of things after death, I am speaking out of inner prompting, and can go no farther than to tell you dreams and myths that relate to this subject.” C.G. Jung – Dreams, memories, reflections


I don’t remember when I had this next dream. Either towards the middle or end of last year, dunno. I don’t remember much of it, just that it was at night and I went to sleep after spending the evening with my family and Keith and Blank, possibly father. I soon feel asleep and dreamed. The dream was cloudy, but I saw myself as I slept. I saw a man standing in the middle of my room looking at me. I woke up in my dream feeling someone in the room. When I woke up I saw no one. I then fell asleep again in my dream. I saw blackness before waking up again. 

Knowing YOU


Buddha Groove FB page

Material possessions do not dissolve misunderstanding. What dissolves misunderstanding is exploring our inner Selves, OUR inner light, despite the pain of change. It is about working with the pain to find an inner peace one never thought existed, to find a light within the dark labyrinth of our minds, a light that outshines our doubts, our beliefs, and shines on inner truth, showing the way to a path deep within our hearts. The Raw. Deep. Inner truth.

The only way to understand the above words is to experience it your self, through practice and discipline. Your light will shine bright.


Check out the link below of a new website being developed called Omstars. It will be the first online Yoga TV channel! #beyouromstar by clicking the link below and becoming a backer on Kickstarter. With your support, we all can receive glimpses to #livetheyogilife #onebreathatatime.

Apple Meditation Part II

Featured image found at Leslie Marsh.tumbler

A year later…

Day 1: 3.31.12

The apple began to appear as if it was melting. It would stretch, as if getting taller, then shrink into its self. At times it would appear as if floating or moving closer to me. As the meditation went on, half way through, it began to fade. I’d have to blink for it to appear again, but it would continue to fade. The room began to change a little, but not to a scene I can record. I felt a presence of two great beings beside me, but I saw nothing. I felt a light to the distance of me on my left, but I saw nothing. Only thing I saw was the apple melting, changing shape, and appearing to disappear.

On the walk I saw Louis (Evil twin) but not the nice twin. I realize now that they are one. He tried everything to scare me, but nothing worked. My guides were there for a time, but Louis and his fellow friends took them out. First guide that was pushed away was Ezekiel (I’ll call him that). It was as if many beings attacked him. On the last scene before he was forced to retreat it was as if bats attacked him. He was to the right of me. As soon as he was gone to the left of me appeared a woman, my other guide.

Louis didn’t know what to do with her at first, so he concentrated on getting arise out of me, or frightening me, triggering some sort of emotion. He’d hit me, kick me, and try to trip me and all that. I felt these slightly on my real person, but nothing severe. He began running into me, and I’d feel the pressure and slight pain on my chest. This made me uneasy for a while, so he kept doing that until I ignored it. As I turned around I was facing him. He was walking backwards so that I’ll see his face. He taunted me some, but his words didn’t scare me. He looked somewhat like me, because he is part of me.

Also, I’ll note here, that the wind began to blow as I began my walk and became stronger as the walk continued and started coming towards an end.

In the last few minutes things really started to happen. Louis brought in some friends to try to get a rise out of me. There was a great giant being with a bald head and club in his hand. He’d stand behind me, I started becoming uneasy at his size, and he then became larger. I felt not to panic or fear him, because that’d give him power. So I tried not to acknowledge him enough for it to frighten me. This worked for a time, he shrunk to a point. Then, as I was turning to a street that led me to my home, more beings, spirits of some sort, came. I felt them but didn’t see them; they were bothering the female guide with me. Soon she got over powered. My protective defenses are now gone. Then I saw Uriel.

Uriel was across the street from me. As I came closer and acknowledged his presence, he then was beside me. I began to feel uneasy. It was harder now to fight the panic and fear that was rising in me. Uriel (I’ll call him that) stood to the right of me. Louis (Evil twin) stood to the left of me. Louis was quiet now, calm in a satisfied way. Uriel spoke to me, ‘We finally meet again,’ he said something along those lines.

I nodded or responded, I don’t know exactly. I looked at him. His image was similar to how I pictured, but his face wasn’t as flawless as I once thought. The years were on it, you can tell he wasn’t originally good, if he is good at all. It is hard to really tell.

When he noticed my reaction he said something like, ‘Just wait until you write out my story. You’ll then know what nature can really do, and what frightened really means.’ I then got the feeling that I’d experience everything that he did, even if I would just be writing. I feel his story needs to be written, I’ll share it here on the blog once I get the words formed.

I then saw my home. Once my house was in view they retreated. I walked toward my home, and once I was in my yard my guides were by my side again. My guides were frantic, speaking all at once, wondering if I was ok. I felt it strange, since they never reacted that way before.

I then drank a cup of warm tea and my nerves were settled again.

Day 2: 4.1.12

The apple reacted similar to how it did yesterday. It began to appear as if it was melting. It would stretch, as if getting taller, then shrink into its self. At times it would appear as if floating or moving closer to me. This time, though, a face began to appear. At first it was not facing me, but as the meditation went on it appeared as if it were floating. At some point it slowly turned to face me. Half way through, it began to fade, like yesterday. I’d have to blink for it to appear again, but it would continue to fade. The room began to change a little, but the scene wasn’t clear. My carpet appeared as if grass may be appearing, and my walls began to disappear, but the scene remained fuzzy. I felt a presence of two great beings beside me, but I saw nothing. I felt a light to the distance of me on my left, it appeared as if something – maybe a scene – was forming but it was not clear. Only thing I saw was the apple that appeared to float at times. It was looking at me, but it felt wary of me. I don’t think I earned the apples trust yet.

Today I was at my dad’s house, so I didn’t walk the canal after the mediation. I saw Uriel almost as soon as I left the house. He showed me images that seemed to be a story, or maybe a recreation of something in the past, I am not sure yet.

As I was walking a woman began to appear. First I felt her behind me, and then she was in front of me walking. My surroundings began to change in my mind. It was the early 18th century, the clothes and style of the people were different. I was in a different city, somewhere in England I will guess, but the town was small; nothing grand like London.

The lady had long, dark brown wavy hair. She was average height for our times; she looked in distress as she was hurrying along. She stopped at an older woman’s door step; the lady was sitting on her front porch. She had dark grey hair, which must have been black when she was young, and a crooked nose. The old lady looked at her with disgust when she stooped before her.

The woman began to plead to the old lady. ‘Why are they doing this?‘ are the desperate words that seemed to have formed on her lips. The town was accusing her of witchcraft.
You know why, wench,’ was the type of words that seemed to have formed on the old woman’s lips. Her voice was cruel, the woman began to cry. I am not sure what else the old lady said to her, but her tears brought no pity to the bitter old woman. The old woman slapped her and told the crying woman to leave her door step.

Day 3: 4.2.12

I saw face of the apple today, and it began to fade again, just as it did during last part of  yesterday’s meditation. It’s eyes began to glow as I looked into them. As I looked into them the room began to change, everything began to fade away. Soon ripples of white grey was around me that looked like the northern lights, minus the colors or fog. The apple’s eyes glowed as it faded in and out. This fog like substance surrounded me.

On my walk, in the beginning, it felt as if I was walking through fire though I didn’t get burned. The woman I saw in last vision got burnt for killing her sister. Uriel wanted something from her, even after death, but she still wouldn’t give in. So she walked through the fire, seeing visions of her past, particularly the nice twin with brown hair. She came to a tunnel. She began to walk through it, it was dark and it sounded as if a train was above it. The tunnel was long. It ended, she came into a stone room with a man who was dirty. There was a camp fire in the middle of the room and he was cooking what looked like beans. He offered her some she said no. she sat down on the floor in front of the fire. The man asked what brought her hear. She said fire. He asked if she gave him what he wanted (Uriel) she said no. he said that Uriel will get it one way or another.

Soon another tunnel appeared. The man looked at it, uneasiness was in his eyes. He was wary of this tunnel. He told the woman, “only way out is through.” She asked if he’d go through the tunnel, he responded he hasn’t in years and probably never will.

It was a small tunnel, one would have to crawl to get through, but the woman crouched down and crawled through the tunnel. The end was another stone room with three tunnels. There was a man to the left of one of the tunnels, the tunnel that was farthest to the left. He looked as if he was on edge, fear was in his eyes. The woman came up to him. She looked at him curiously. It appears that they were having a silent conversation. The man averted his eyes to the left of him, to the entrance of the tunnel, then back to the woman. He did this thrice times. The woman was confused at first; she didn’t understand why he was doing that. But then she heard chains and heavy footsteps pacing back and forth. The man’s face became of panic, and his eyes seemed to have said help me.

The woman is curious about what may be on the other side of this tunnel. She crouches down and enters the tunnel. It wasn’t a long tunnel. Each movement forward brought her closer to the noise; the sound of the chains dragging became louder as did the heavy pacing footsteps. She heard something growling, as if it were mumbling to itself. It wasn’t a growl of warning.

The tunnel ends. In the large stone room is a beast creature. It was massive, larger than an elephant. It had tusks like one, though, and large pointy front teeth. Its eyes were not clear, it only showed black. The creature was blackish grey. It saw the woman and stopped in its tracks. It began to growl. Drool was forming on its lips and began to drip down its furry chin. There was another tunnel in the room, it was straight a head. The large beast, though, could easily get the woman if the woman tried getting to the tunnel.

The woman panicked for a few moments. She wasn’t sure what to do. A voice in her head told her, ‘go forward. It can’t hurt you unless you let it. It is not real unless you make it so.’ These words brought her strength. She knew she could get past this beast if she doesn’t show fear. So she steps forward.

She moves slowly at first. The beast stays where it’s at while still growling. When she gets a little over half way across the room, only a few feet away from the tunnel, the beast begins to growl louder. The woman began to run just in time, she sensed he was about to attack her. She jumped to the left, trying to avoid the beasts claw that she knew would was about to hit her. But by doing this she jumps away from the entrance, trapping herself momentarily. The beasts left claw strikes her back between the shoulder blades. A stinging feeling began to be felt on my own back as I was walking, but I had a feeling to remain calm. The woman made it to the tunnel just before the beast was able to strike her again.

This tunnel was a bit wider, but she still had to crouch down to enter. She still had to crawl but it wasn’t a tight squeeze. This tunnel was long and winding. It was also pitch black and humid warm.

The woman thought it would never end as she crawled and crawled further along, she was getting frustrated. Her back was still in pain and she was tired. Finally a light began to appear. It was small at first then began to brighten. She came, yet again, to another stone room. The light wasn’t bright, it only felt so because she has been in the dark for some time. In this room she meets Uriel

Her heart falls to her stomach. A feeling of giving up begins to form inside her, but she pushes it away. I was feeling tired myself at this time.

Uriel knew the woman was tired. He laughed a malicious laugh and said it gets worse. He asks her again if she’s willing to give in now. Those words bring her strength and she says no. He nods, expecting that answer.

The room gets warmer and the smell of smoke appears. The room gets dimmer. A smoky fog is entering through the tunnel she came through. Uriel is laughing now; he senses the woman’s fatigue and frustration.

A tunnel to the left of the woman and Uriel begins to appear but by this time the vision fades. I have returned home now and am very tired. I didn’t want to continue with the vision any longer. I was still tired even after my tea, but was a bit more relaxed.

Day 4: 4.3.12

The apple appeared fading again, but it did not float. It appeared as if rotting, in a glowing frequency, but I didn’t see its face. The room changed again, appearing as if no walls, static appearance, and the ever present of someone else in the room was there. I perceive the two beings present as a guide.

The weather as I walked was a breeze, but nothing harsh. I again, as I approached the walk way on the canal I live near, I saw the Fire, but I did not fear it. I saw the tunnel again, and the feeling of dread hit me. I knew it would be a long walk through, if I have to go through all that I did the previous day.

The walk through the tunnel was similar, yet the ogre was still lying upon the floor. Thankfully I didn’t have to fight it.

I approached the familiar stone room, but the old man was no longer there. Only thing there was his old pot that contained beans once upon a time. The door that’s located in the room is no longer open but closed tight. I attempted to open it, but it would not budge. The door was sealed tightly off. I attempted once again, but still no way out. I collapsed on the floor in frustration and began to cry in anguish. The room then became cold, colder than it already was. I looked up from my collapsed position upon the floor and saw before me Uriel.

He laughed a malicious laugh and asked again the same question: Are you willing to follow? And again I responded ‘no’. He smiled, a smile as malicious as his laugh, you will remain in this room until you choose to follow, unless you can find a way out through that door. He then disappeared. I was left alone, in the cold stone room, with a sealed off door. I asked my guides, what do I do? And the response was: Follow your heart, your will is your guide. Those words gave me strength, and I was able to get up from the floor and walk to the sealed off door.

Once I was before the door I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths slowly in and out, in and out. I kept my eyes closed for sometime until I felt a vibration in my core, in an area under my belly button is where the vibration began. I let it radiate throughout my body. I then held my arms forward, in attempt to rattle the door knob to get this door open. Again, the door would not budge. I did this repeatedly, each time with more force. The door finally budged when I felt an anger filled annoyance rise in me.

Once the door opened, the narrow tunnel was before me once again. I am now tired from the struggle of this sealed off door, but my will is now active so I know I can keep moving forward, for there is an end somewhere. The narrow tunnel, which I have to crawl to get through, seems longer than before, and the bottom of the tunnel is becoming wet, as if a leak is somewhere. I feel drops of water upon my head and realized the leak is coming from above me. It appears that this tunnel is under some sort of body of water.

Finally, after what seemed a long time, an exact time unclear, the end came. The end was dark, but I made out a shadowy door that appeared as if it were a ship door with a wheel like handle that I had to turn to open. It was a struggle to turn, it was very heavy, I had to use a lot of my strength. As the handle slowly turned, the seal of the door became loose and water began to leak through. I began to panic as water filled the bottom of the tunnel, rising higher and higher with each turn. I was sure I’d be hit with a wave of water, just like I use to imagine in my childhood, the wave would cover me, and I would drown. As this thought dawned on me the door came open. I braised myself for the impact, but none came. Instead of a large wave, a feeling of ocean breeze swept into the tunnel.

I walked out of the wet tunnel, my jeans lightly damp from the water, and before me was a pebbled shore. The sky was a dark purple, as if twilight has set in. There was a cool and refreshing breeze, the smell of the ocean before me in the air. I collapsed on the ground in an exhausted relief that I made it out of the tunnel. I closed my eyes to relax and think. I am not on a pebbled island, with no other land insight.

The air changed to a cold stillness. I sensed a presence of another being; I knew the cold stillness sensation I am feeling now to be the presence of Uriel. I opened my eyes, and a short distance to my left, near the edge of the water, was Uriel. He had that malicious smile still upon his face, and he again spoke in the same cold, hissing tone, as usual, ‘Will you follow?’ Again I responded a clear ‘no’, which as always gave me strength.

He laughed his usual laugh and began to send taunts at me in a repeated fashion. The rapid pace of his words started to blend together, making it hard for me to make out any clear phrase. Even though I could not make out words, the feeling from the tone of his voice began to be agonizing. I held my hands to my ears and said ‘stop it, stop it!’ but of course he did not.

Finally silence came, and dark set in fully. As it did so did a numbing coldness. I curled up into a ball, bringing my knees up to my chest, attempting to trap in some warmth.

This was the last of my vision for this day, the walk ended around this time. I was still exhausted after drinking tea, but I felt calm, but not a reassuring calm.

Day 5: 4.4.12

The apple appeared the same as yesterday, the room the same vision as yesterday as well. It seems as if the apple does not trust me, or that I am not concentrating enough. I have learned that apples, such as animals, have their own personality and each one is different. I think, maybe this apple isn’t as trusting as the last, or maybe my energy is different this time than the last time around, since I know how this apple meditation feels: it takes a lot out of you, mentally and spiritually. Maybe this is why, during the meditation of the apple, it seems the apple isn’t open to me.

On my walk I saw the vision of the sea shore pebbled beach, dark sky, and cold loneliness in the air. I began to cry again, in a collapsed position up on the beach, I was getting tired of this and wanting to give up. I decided to lie their, exhausted, with my eyes closed. No thought was passing my mind, I was just being in the moment and letting whatever is to happen next to happen. I began to feel warm all over and a peace began to enter me. I opened my eyes as I felt the change in the air, and as I did I saw the sky turn from dark, to deep violet, to red violet, and so on; the sky was becoming lighter, as if the sun was rising. The scene changed once the sky was an orange red. As the sky was changing, the atmosphere was becoming warmer and warmer. A bridge appeared before me, but the bridge was not clear. It was a fuzzy vision of a bridge upon the water, but I made out a wooden bridge leading into the sun. The vision changed as I stepped foot upon the bridge.

The next visions came in a fast pace. I could not make out much of what was going on, but it switched rapidly. First I saw a flash of fire, then water, then Uriel and his rapid speech of taunting words.

The visions ended on a sunny path. I was with one of my guides who was speaking softly to me. The words I can not remember now, but they were wise and reassuring, and as always gave me strength and hope to move forward and keep carrying on. This is where my walk ends. I am now home and drinking my relaxing cup of herbal tea.

Day 6: 4.5.12

No meditation

Day 7: 4.6.12

I saw the face of the apple today, but only for a brief few moments. Again, the face seemed stern, but it was willing to speak to me today, or at least open to my questions. I felt it was going to show me something on my walk. The colors in the room changed from the grey static color to a lighter blue, mixed in within highlights of lavender.

As I began my walk I felt a light breeze. As I walked further along, turning the corner and onto a sidewalk that leads to the walk path on the canal, the wind picked up. I began to hear a rushing noise in my ear, as if there is a mass flood of water behind me. I turned my head to the side and saw two large waves of water of an extreme height, as if touching the sky.

I became frightened temporarily, for this was one of my fearful images as a child: an image of two gigantic waves that would collapse on top of me, sweeping my feet off the ground and drowning me as I become lifted. But of course that was only an image. I knew what I was seeing wasn’t real, and I am no longer a seven year old girl. As soon as that dawning came to me, that the waves weren’t real, the waves were ignored, even though I knew the roaring of the waves and wind was behind me still.

As I came up to the walk path upon the canal I saw fire was on both sides of the walk way again. A dread feeling came over me, but only temporarily. The wind and roar of the waves is heard, and this time the roar seems louder, as if the waves are closer and will soon collapse upon me. I braised myself for the imaginary impact, trying to keep my fear at bay at the same time. I stopped in my tracks even. I heard the slap of the waves hitting concrete, and a slight pressure over me. This feeling lasted only a few moments, I had my eyes closed the entire time. When I opened them again all was still, water and fire both gone, wind ceased to a soft pleasant breeze.

After the passing of the water and the slowing of the wind came an image of a grassy path and shady trees beside me. The breeze was still in the air, but soft and warm now, and the sent of grass is in the air. I like this image I am now seeing; it calms me and relaxes me some.

After walking for sometime I come to an end of the path, to a valley on the left of the walking path, where few trees reside. Lying upon the grassy floor was a lioness. She looked lazily at me, but made no move toward me. After seeing the lioness the image fades away. That is the end of my vision on my walk. I then return home for my tea.

Day 8: 4.7.12

Today I saw the familiar vision as I looked into the apple: the grayish blue with lavender highlights, the walls appearing as if invisible, and the feeling of two beings beside me. The apple appeared as if floating again, and I saw the face again. The face was a bit distorted, but clearer than yesterday. It spoke to me, but the words were muffled. A warm feeling came over me, as if I was receiving a message. My heart began to beat briefly, but soon I relaxed and it slowed.

The weather was calm on my walk today. As I approached the walkway on the canal I saw the grassy path once again, this time with no water or fire. As I was walking the grassy, tree lined path, I heard a growl. I knew the growl to belong to the lioness. A sudden sense of danger was forming in my chest, but a feeling to keep moving forward was felt. As I came to the end of this grassy tree lined path, the spot I was yesterday, beside the valley where the lioness lied, I saw the lioness once again. This time the lioness was not in a relaxing state, she was in a state of defense. As she saw me appear she let out a loud growl and ran toward me.

I was struck with fear and remained in place. I braised myself as I saw her jump at me. Her paws landed on my chest, scratching my chest. I felt the sting of her claws on my real person. After the claws were felt I heard a woman’s voice in my mind, a strong and clear voice. I knew the voice to belong to the lioness, she asked what I wanted. I was full of curiosity then, and I asked her what her name was. The name I received was: Saphia. She said other words that I can not recall, but I had a feeling she is an old soul. I know her as to be my spirit animal.

Her image and her words were the last I saw before returning home for my tea.

(image of lioness and cubs, not the exact image I saw in meditation)


Day 9: 4.8.12

No meditation

Day 10: 4.9.12

Image of the apple was similar as previous day.

On my walk I saw again the grassy jungle path upon the walkway, but only for some moments, and I no longer saw Saphia. The grassy jungle path fades into an older image, the 1800s image I saw the second day of my meditation. I saw flashes of the nice and evil twins, as well as flashes of my great aunt Jezebel, the red-haired woman who got burnt due to an accusation of witchcraft in Italy. I saw again flashes of me pleading to the older woman, relating to the death of my sister. I then saw flashes of me being carried away from the city who things I was the one who killed my sister.

On my walk toward home I again saw flashes of the giants, but my guides were once again beside me, and this time they stayed. I ignored the evil twin’s images of horror he attempted to send my way. Uriel is seen again but he is farther away. I go inside my home as he attempts to approach, not being able to reach past my front yard. Once inside I feel ‘others’ outside my home, but I know I am safe if I do not pay attention to them. I feel calmer after I drink my tea.

Day 11: 4.10.12

No meditation

Day 12: 4.11.12

The apple appears to be floating again, this time I see the face clearly. The face looks angry, but it’s willing to listen to me. I do not remember if I asked it anything, I do not think I did.

The walk was calmer today. I didn’t see a vision of water, fire, nor tunnel nor grassy path with lioness. Halfway through my walk the image of a ballerina and older man is seen, but only flashes, nothing clear. I come to the end of my walk and the last scene I see is peering into a window, on a snowy night, watching the ballerina dance as the man played music. The piano song was sad yet happy; it must have been an eerie love song. The ballerina danced with elegance.

Day 13: 4.12.12

No meditation

Day 14: 4.13.12

No meditation.

Day 15: 4.14.12

The apple was floating again, fading in and out as in the beginning of my meditation. This time it was more active, sending me visions of the past days, particularly of the 1800s visions, Uriel, and the ballerina.

(floating apple pic, picture of 2 apples with faces)


On my walk I again saw flashes of Uriel, but he was calmer today and did not taunt me. He walked beside me even, talking calmly. What he said I do not recall, but I knew he was not a danger to me today. This was the time I began to realize, slowly, that maybe he is not evil after all.

Towards the end of the walk I saw flashes of the older man, middle aged, with long blonde hair tied in a pony tail at the nap of his neck, and light blue eyes. Last night I only saw the back of his head, as he was playing the piano for the ballerina, but today I saw his full profile. It is again a snowy seen. I again was peering into a wide window that appears to be a dance parlor. The piano man and ballerina were there once again, she dancing to the same eerie love song.

The feeling that I got was that this man loved this girl, but she was far too young for him. She looked no older than sixteen, and he is well into his forties. I could tell that this man had some sort of enchantment upon the girl; he knew he was taking advantage of her innocence. A strange feeling of ‘she will be mine’ came over me when I looked at the man one last time. It appears that this man loves this girl, and this man could trick this girl into loving him too. He has her trapped in a sense, with his trance like love song.

The walk ended here. My last image I saw was him gazing at the window. He made eye contact with me. He smiled a knowing smile with a mischievous glean in his eye.

The meditation ended here.


A lot has happened since that meditation, and a lot more is to come. I will speak more in depth in another post on what has happened since that meditation, but at the moment I will leave the post as it is. I will not do the apple meditation again, for I feel I no longer need to, but I still suggest it to whoever decides to do it. Just remember to be diligent about it if you do decided to do the meditation, and take note of what you see, and also to accept what you see as you see it rather than distorting the images. You never know what the end result will be, so be patient with it. All will come together in due time.

Willow Rose, Chapter 1

Willow Rose, a character I had in a game called Renaissance Kingdoms. The game has three ‘kingdoms’ connected to the renaissance era: Europe, Japan, and Aztec. This character is Japanese, from Shogun Kingdoms. I connected the main role plays I had there, gathered them into a document, and a collection of tales were created. This is, Chapter one, of Willow Rose, an imaginative piece of me, who kept me sane in years of confusion (February 2007 to August 2016). I Have edit the post only a little, you may take note as I post the chapters, the improvement of my writing style. Stay tuned for more throughout the year, one chapter per month. Enjoy. Further tales will include my other characters, Arial de Grey and High Priestess.


Willow rose obtained her name by great fortune. Willow sprung from the clay mud of the earth, life given from the great waters. She grew short, upon a spirally twisting path, filled with love, life, strife, solitude, and kinship. Her soul wind is her guide, and the weeping branches that hold her memories and experiences never touch the ground, but continue to grow endlessly, even in a heavy weeping fashion. The earth, and its waters and creatures are her guide, and the whistle of the wind is her voice.

Once upon a time a rice farmer was sitting underneath a willow on a hot summer day. The willow tree’s branches swayed to and fro in a gentle way, creating a breeze to cool this farmer. Farmer was thankful for this breeze, though he never could understand a willow. It grew in solitude, and could withstand great storms, but if a human being came to close it rarely would let one sit beneath. And if any human, for whatever reason, tried to care for a willow, the willow would sacrifice itself for it would rather die than be under another’s care. But this particular willow was not one of those sorts. This man felt blessed to be welcomed beneath the willow’s dense branches.

Look beside you an elderly whisper told the man.

The man looked from side to side and up and down to see who was about, for he thought for sure someone was present. And as he was looking here and there, his eyes landed upon a rose bud growing from beneath the willow. It was only barely peeking from the ground, but he knew of this strange flower for he is also a merchant, and has traveled many lands. He knew this bud was growing into a rose, a flower not native to Japan.

“But what is this?” he asked to no one in particular. It is your destiny spoke the whisper. “Who is there?” shouted the man as he leaped to his feet, as if a small critter bit him on his behind. It is I, the spirit of the willow. Look again at your destiny.

The man’s heart beats profoundly in his chest, but he is frozen to the spot, petrified perhaps, or maybe some force is keeping him there so that he will look at what he must see. And so he obliged. He shifted his gaze from the trunk of the willow to the little green bud upon the ground. As he peered, and the longer he did, the bud grew.

The man gasped and looked away to his side, as if he had a companion beside him watching what he is seeing, but of course no one was there. “It is a trick of the eye,” he said to himself. “It is the summer heat, it is causing my mind to play trickster on me.” He looked back at the rose and saw that it stopped growing, but once he looked at it longer than three seconds, it began to slowly grow again.

It grows as you focus upon it.

The man’s mouth fell agape, his eyes widened, and his knees slowly buckled under him, as if some enchantment is causing him to kneel closer to the growing bud.

The man watched, and watched. The bud grew and grew, soon a long stem was present with specks that the man knew would be thorns, and the bulb like shape of the flower that has yet to be bloomed is apparent.

“Uhm,” is all he could say as he peered at the growing flower. His eyes filled with tears that haven’t been shed since he was a knee-high boy.

The tears fell gently upon his cheeks. One rolled down his cheek and touched the ground. As it touched the ground the flower began to bloom. Red pedals began to poke out of the bulb.

“Hilgo, what are you doing? You must get back to work before the sun is gone,” says a soft but stern woman’s voice behind him.

The man said not a word, nor did he take his eyes off the flower. He only motioned with his left hand for his wife to come near.

Her eyes widen and right hand lands upon her chest and states “Ah-ya,” stated the woman as she watched with her husband the red rose bloom. “But what is this enchantment? It must be no good,” said the woman in a panicked tone, for she fears the unknown and unexplainable.

It is good, and it is blessed, it is for you and your husband, your family will soon expand. Pluck the rose and stand it in a vase, sit it upon your window seal, and it will shine and live for days. On the day of its death, you will have a surprise. For inside your womb, a baby will lie.

The wife fainted, for she knew it to be the willow talking to her. Her husband paid no mind, and he plucked this rose upon the ground, careful to not touch its thorns. “You will be our Willow Rose,” he whispered softly to it as he lifted his wife up with one arm, gently placed her over his shoulder, and strode toward their cottage.

And so it goes. The rose did live, staying frozen in time a full blooming rose, and glistening when the sun rays hit it. The wife and husband watched this rose periodically as the days passed on.

“It still lives, it still lives,” they told each other each day.

Year one was filled of hope, they were happy to have a beauty in their little home. Year two turned into confusing, curiosity, for how can a rose live so long? Year three turned into discouragement, for the wife and husband were wanting a child of their own. Ah, why is life so cruel! thought the wife in the second month of the fourth year, as she peered at the glistening, healthy blooming rose.

A petal fell from the rose. The woman saw this happen and gasped, for she knew what fortune this will bring.

“Hilgo, Hilgo, a petal fell!” shouted the woman with glee, to her husband who was in the kitchen heating the tea.

He rushed into their living area, to find if this was truth, and with his own eyes, which he had to rub in case they deceived him, he saw that it was truth. A petal fell. They’ll soon have a child.

So the days went on, and each passing day for a fortnight the flower’s petals fell, and stem began to wilt. There was a lot of lovemaking in this time, for the husband and wife were so overjoyed that they couldn’t help but express it with each other.

And so, in the third month of the fourth year of the rose being in their home, when it was nothing but a pile of black wilted leaves, a child was conceived. Nine months later, after the first week of winter, on a cold snowy day, a child was born, a female child.

“You will be our Willow Rose,” said the couple in unison, as the child was held in her mothers arms for the first time. And so, that is the birth of Willow Rose.

Dream Journal Entry 6: The Question of Immortality

“In the majority of cases the question of immortality is so urgent, so immediate, and also so ineradicable that we must make an effort to form some sort of view about it. But how? My hypothesis is that we can do so with the aid of things sent to us from the unconscious – in dreams, for example. Usually we dismiss these hints because we are convinced that the question is not susceptible to answer. In response to this understandable skepticism, I suggest the follow considerations. If there is something we cannot know, we must necessarily abandon it as an intellectual problem. For example, I do not know for what reason the universe has come into being, and shall never know. Therefore I must drop this question as a scientific or intellectual problem. But if an idea about it is offered to me – in dreams or in mythic traditions – I ought to take note of it. I even ought to build up a conception on the basis of such hints, even though it will forever remain a hypothesis which I know cannot be proved.” – Jung’s Dreams, Memories, Reflections


I am going to start by writing about a dream I had close to 2 years ago. It was about spirits and my spirit guide warning me not to speak to the spirits. I was in my room sleeping, but woke up with a feeling of someone in my room. I listened and felt spirits were trying to talk to me so I listened and tried to forget the fear that was rising inside of me. I felt a heaviness like a weight was placed on my chest, as they came closer, but still I kept listening. Then a male voice said ‘don’t talk to the spirits.’ I thought ‘Ezekiel? You are real!’ then the voice came more sternly. ‘don’t talk to the spirits’ I think woke up when the spirits grabbed at me (5 of them) and began to shake the bed. I woke up with my heart pounding and my room pitch black. It took me a long time to fall back asleep.

A few months later I had dreams about spirits again, this time they had a form. One was a female, 3 males but non of their faces were clear. I was in the dinning area of my house when they first came to me. I told them to go away, but they wouldn’t. I went out back, it was evening close to twilight. They followed and became more persistent. I said ‘no! Stop, go away!’ but they wouldn’t. they pulled at me and tried to speak, but I only heard murmurs and hums, but their tones were pleading and I had this feeling they wanted help. The feeling of a weight being placed on me came again and I once again woke up with my heart pounding, but I fell asleep more easily than the last time.


Let it Flow

“Imagine the waterfall. Feel the power of the water rushing forward, cascading down over the rocks. Nothing stands in its way, nothing stops it force. It doesn’t have to push against anything to do this. The energy it possesses is so vast that it can overcome anything just by allowing that energy. The channel in the river bed focuses the force and then frees it to dance joyously over the edge, frothing and foaming, leaping in a cacophony of sound.

“Life at times seems to be a struggle. Energy can be lacking. But perhaps it is still there, hidden behind the dam you have built to block it. Is it pressing against those walls? Can you feel it? Why did you dam that force? If you release the flow of energy into your life it will carry you effortlessly towards your goals and desires. It will focus its power in your physical and energetic body and give you back the vitality you are missing. The waters in you are still. There are times when still water is needed, but the pool within you is growing stagnant. It needs the oxygen that breathes life back into you.

“Spend some time imagining the dam you have built. You may know why you have built it, or you may not. It matters little now. What is important is to destroy it. Reach behind the dam. Let yourself become one with that powerful force that is straining to be released. See it seeping through the bricks and mortar, weakening the wall. Gradually the bricks start to move. Parts of the wall crumble a way. Then with a sudden burst of power the water is free to cascade down, through the crown of your head into your body, flooding you with vital energy. Feel its force, feel its power and let it on its way. Keep the doors open for it to continually flow into, around and out of your body. This power is yours. It needs you as you need it. It connects you to everything. Feel it, allow it and know that it takes more effort to hold it back than it does to let it flow.”Source: Indigo readings

There are things in life I want so badly, and when they are in my reach, I fear them due to insecurities, and my biggest mental fear: failure.

Once I make my mind up to do something, and first step is a success, but the next challenging step that is not so predictable, I second guess myself and question my actions – what I’ll say, do, or if I’m too inexperienced to accomplish the goal, to obtain what I feel I desire. All these insecurities I burry deep down inside me, all the ‘negative’ voices/thoughts, and past memories of ‘failing’ come to the surface, overflowing to the point of being scattered, hard to pin point.


March 24th, 2016

Voices of my pass haunt me

Taunt me

Never letting me be

Voices tell me I am no good

And to give up, they say I should

Voice echo in my mind

Past, present, and future in hindsight

A place where I fear the heights

One voice gives me a choice

Against the hasty noise

Of thoughts created

Ones I’ve hated

Ones I’ve mated with sad beliefs

Ones, to give relief

But no Voices did cease

Like a disease, there is no cure

This I am sure

Only the nerve to give in

To the Voices from within

My mind, a sad state

Of Voices with no namesake

No face to call their own

Nowhere to call home

Voices of the past

That must pass

Voice of the present

That are full of hesitance

Voices of the future

Unable to let truth utter

Voices of emotions

Always going through the motions

Voices of characters

In stories yet told

Some seemly old

Voices of voices with neither up or down direction

No sound to utter

No made attraction

For a done action




To hide

To cease

To go complete

Voices of my mind






Voices, Choices,

Mind voices

Mine, to hold

Never to be told









Voices, choices,

Mind voices


So many voices, so many thoughts, so many memories resurface. And my first reaction is to panic, let anxiety build, and feel as if to step back, let the opportunity pass on by, while repeating “It’ll come back when I am ready, next time I will be ready.” And the next time comes, and the same ol’ feelings, same worries and insecurities, resurface – as if fate is saying: ‘Face them now, or once again hesitate and let the moment pass.’

But this time the intensity is strong, and the thoughts/emotions/memories will not cease. The voices will not cease. It is time to acknowledge these voices and thoughts, let them speak their words, but not to hold on to them. To let them float on by, like a cloud in the sky. Let it be, then let it flow.

Like the river flowing, it does not cease, even if the dam is built, it still flows. It still flows.

The leaf falling from the tree does not resist the fact it must fall and land up on the ground. It does not fall in a straight, controlled, line, but instead it falls in a flowing fashion, with the direction of the breeze, and it then lands gently up on the ground, instead of a hard crash.

Egg-shaped Cocoon


It is warm inside my shell, nothing can harm me. I have all I need within this shell, decorated so nicely of the things I love.

Within this shell is the sun and green grass, a book of knowledge, phone for communication, and a computer for connection; everything I need is right here for me. Birds are whispering a tune inside this warm egg-cocoon.

To the left, nearby the dancer, is a staircase leading up, and it shimmers and shines with the sunshine. I wonder where it leads? Maybe to two lovers to be. One day I will see, but for now I am warm, within my egg-cocoon.

~Ho hum, ho hum, is the song sung, how hum, how hum ~